Porkulus

The porkulus passed the houses in a stunning display of mass stupidity. Then, to add insult to injury, the “Democrats” claimed to have made it a monumental example of cooperation. What, with themselves? Golly gee, Beaver, I agree with me?!?!?!?!?! This is what Obama’s new bipartisanship looks like? A boot – smashing someone’s face – forever? Oh, wait, that was “1984”. Sorry. How could I have confused the two?

And don’t even get me started on Chuck Schumer’s half-witticisms.

Hey, though, the stimulus bill isn't as bad as we had expected -- it's much worse.

Instead of merely creating useless, make-work jobs digging ditches -- or "shovel-ready," in the Democrats' felicitous phrase -- the "stimulus" bill will create an endless army of government bureaucrats aggressively intervening in our lives. Instead of digging ditches, American taxpayers will be digging our own graves. Define again for me how increasing the size of government is a stimulus, please???

There are hundreds of examples in the 800-page "stimulus" bill, but here are just two.

1) The welfare bureaucrats are coming back. Their particular brilliance was to pay women to have children out of wedlock. Remember -- subsidize something, you get more of it; tax it, you get less of it – so of course the number of children being born out of wedlock skyrocketed. By the way, these economic relationships are not just contrarian ideas for liberals to debate about – they are natural laws that always function regardless of your ideological opinion.The 1996 Welfare Reform bill rolled back welfare payments (first time eva!). Despite liberal howling and foot-stomping, removing the illegitimacy payments immediately led to less illegitimacy. As proof that that welfare reform was a smashing success, a few years later, Bill Clinton started claiming full credit for the bill. So now Pelosi/Obama’s great wisdom will pay for states to increase their welfare caseloads by paying unwed mothers to sit home doing nothing.

2) Bureaucrats at Health and Human Services will electronically collect every citizen's complete medical records and determine appropriate medical care. Rationing, anyone! In the best health care system in the world, with endless choices from free clinics to prestige care, the government will somehow manage to create a shortage. Sounds like agricultural policy (you know, in a world where third-world nations are starving and we produce 10 times what we actually need, the government pays farmers to leave lands idle. That sort of thing).

Judging by the care that the State Department took with private visa records last year, that the Ohio government took with Joe the Plumber's government records, that the Pentagon took with Linda Tripp's employment records in 1998, and that the FBI took with thousands of top secret "raw" background files in President Clinton's first term, the bright side is: We'll finally be able to find out if Bill Clinton has syphilis -- all thanks to the stimulus bill!

Don’t forget - HHS bureaucrats will soon be empowered to overrule your doctor. Doctors who don't comply with the government's treatment protocols will be fined. That's right: Instead of your treatment being determined by your doctor, it will be settled on by some narcoleptic half-wit in Washington who couldn't get a job in the private sector. And a brand-new set of bureaucrats in the newly created office of "National Coordinator of Health Information Technology" will be empowered to cut off treatments that merely prolong life. Sorry, Mom and Pop, Big Brother said it's time to go.

Liberalism is a death cult.